The DijonStock Digital Home Recording Support Forum

*** USER REGISTRATION DISABLED! FOR ACCESS TO THE BOARD, MAIL TO registration AT dijonstock DOT com. THANK YOU ***
It is currently Wed Dec 12, 2018 12:33 am

All times are UTC + 1 hour [ DST ]




Post new topic Reply to topic  [ 99 posts ]  Go to page Previous  1, 2, 3, 4, 5  Next
Author Message
 Post subject: parcelFARCE?
PostPosted: Sat Aug 05, 2006 10:42 am 
Offline
Mistress of Dinicestock
User avatar

Joined: Thu Jul 06, 2006 7:29 pm
Posts: 118
Location: lost in france
oh man
i have to say that parceforce lost my portfolio going the short journey from fife to aberdeen circa 1985, it has since turned up, and i did finally get a place at art school.
ever since that time i have always fondly referred to them as 'ParcelArse' they couldn't manage to send themselves a bloody postcard.

my deep sympathies go to you and hairy.

may the parcel arses never be with you

_________________
what would you save from the burning building?


Top
 Profile  
 
 Post subject:
PostPosted: Wed Aug 09, 2006 2:29 pm 
Offline
Guitar Ho
User avatar

Joined: Tue Jun 22, 2004 10:25 pm
Posts: 7793
Location: A la belle Côte d'Azur sans chaussettes
Machine type: Other - please inform admin
People have been askin', and I forgot to post my last blog entry on the Mythical Les Paul, so I thought I'd do it here. Here's Tuesday's followed by today's entries:

If this just weren't enough...


I really wish there was something else I could say. No the mythical Les Paul did not arrive yesterday (Monday the 7th)...not that I thought it would mind you. It's to the point now that I don't give a damn about the feking guitar and feel like lying to poor Hairy and telling him that it has arrived; the poor man is just sick over this (and the fact I was so hard on him--it was for the humor of it all, but now I feel bad because he feels so bad).

So another round of "we'll call you backs". We were assured that the package was indeed in France. If only the guy knew how reassuring THAT sounds! "So what about your super-duper next day international VIP kiss your ass service?!?", poor Hairy cries. "Oh, well," he was told (and please read this with the sound of arrogance with an English accent in your heads), "that super-duper next day international VIP kiss your ass service only applies to packages going to Paris. And, well, this package has to go all the way to Nice!". (Just for those of you who don't know the relative size of these European countries...you could fit France easily within the borders of Texas--along with the Netherlands, Belgium, Luxemburg...and probably Scotland as well...the country of origin). "Regardless!", screams poor Hairy, "you didn't know this when you promised me next day last Friday???!!!".

So once again, we have been promised, absolutely 100 percent for sure that it will be here today, Tuesday the 8th of August in the year of our Lord 2006 at 14h00 (2pm) or so may lighting strike the CEO of FarcelArse (for a package that was originally shipped on the 23rd of June on a two day service, which translates to 5 days of course because it had to GO ALL THE WAY TO NICE!). It's been 6 weeks. My how time flies.



Everybody's askin', so here's the latest...


No guitar. Now, I know none of you are going to believe this, but they've lost it again.

Hairy said, after I talked him into putting the gun down, that he spoke to the highly arrogant Managing Director of FarcelArse. The Managing Director, who was just beside herself that she was actually reached by a customer, was entirely dumbfounded. "Who gave you this number!", she demanded, "I want their name!" ("Hairy, you didn't rat out the guy that gave you the number, did you?" "Aye matey.") It seems this new princess in our fairy tale was more concerned how a customer could have possibly reached her within the company than she was about the service to that customer. I'll publish her name...I didn't write it down when Hairy told me, but we must expose these people.

But now, enter the nightmare world of corporate double speak. She tells Hairy that the good news is that they haven't lost the package for the 5th time and that it is in France. "Wonderful", says Hairy, "where in France?" "We don't know", says this top executive. Hairy is of course rightfully blown away by this response and regretably tries to get to the root of the logic of her statement. "Help me understand this", begs Hairy, "you don't know where it is, but it's not lost...doesn't this seem a contradiction to you?". "No, not at all" (Zen, Hairy, Zen). "How on God's green earth can you claim something is not lost when you don't know where the hell it is!!" "Well", says this up and coming furture CEO of the company, "it's not lost because it's on a big pallet of packages that went missing...in Paris". "What?! You actually expect me to believe that my package is not lost because its on a big pallet full of other packages that itself got lost??!!" "Stop twisting my words!", she demands. "I'm not twisting your words! I'm trying to untangle them for you! How can you maintain this position with me!" Well, now for the "logic". "Pallets of packages just don't go missing! It's got to be somewhere! Therefore, it's not lost". (Hairy! Be a good boy and PUT THE GUN DOWN!).

There's more, but I'm just too upset to go on with it. Imagine poor Hairy. So, no package. Not yesterday. Not today. Earliest tomorrow, but don't hold your breath because although it's not lost, it can't be found. Not yet at least.

Oh, and one more thing she says to Hairy. If he doesn't file a lost package claim within 60 days of shipment, his rights will be terminated. "I THOUGHT YOU JUST TOLD ME IT WASN'T FUCKING LOST!!"

I think she hung up on our dear Hairy.

_________________
Honor is a debt you owe to those that see it in you.


Top
 Profile  
 
 Post subject:
PostPosted: Wed Aug 09, 2006 2:47 pm 
Offline
Robbie The Botkiller
User avatar

Joined: Sat Jun 19, 2004 12:46 pm
Posts: 5129
Location: Netherlands
Favourite food: Ria's cheesecake
Machine type: AW16G
DCinFrance wrote:
"I'm not twisting your words! I'm trying to untangle them for you! "



8) 8) 8)


Top
 Profile  
 
 Post subject:
PostPosted: Wed Aug 09, 2006 3:42 pm 
Offline
Spacemonkey & Superstar

Joined: Sun Jul 11, 2004 9:36 am
Posts: 1584
Favourite food: Marmite/beans/toast
Machine type: AW16G
That's just plain wrong - the whole thing - end to end wrong.

Excellent attempt at Doublethink by the MD -

Great effort from Mr Lys - I would certainly have been so dumbstruck by the whole thing that I would certainly have been at a loss for words...

Sleep


Top
 Profile  
 
 Post subject:
PostPosted: Wed Aug 09, 2006 3:55 pm 
Offline
Mistress of Dinicestock
User avatar

Joined: Thu Jul 06, 2006 7:29 pm
Posts: 118
Location: lost in france
sleepless wrote:

Great effort from Mr Lys - I would certainly have been so dumbstruck by the whole thing that I would certainly have been at a loss for words...

Sleep


i agree, what an effort, anndra, i would have wept by this stage or maybe i would have chained myself to a prominent ParcelArse office and called the local tv station. Do you want to give us her number and we'll all take turns to call her?...

nicely documented DC. we want photos of you and the Les when you finally make into each others arms!!

_________________
what would you save from the burning building?


Top
 Profile  
 
 Post subject:
PostPosted: Wed Aug 09, 2006 4:32 pm 
Offline
Wants You
User avatar

Joined: Tue Jun 22, 2004 9:52 pm
Posts: 5281
Location: Hamilton Square, NJ
Machine type: AW16G
The hell with opening a studio. There seems to be money to be made in just putting together a reliable delivery service over there. :o


Top
 Profile  
 
 Post subject:
PostPosted: Wed Aug 09, 2006 4:42 pm 
Offline
Newbie
User avatar

Joined: Mon Jun 21, 2004 1:38 pm
Posts: 6539
Location: Zurich, Switzerland
Favourite food: Sushi
Machine type: AW16G
I don't think FarcelArse is active in Switzerland... thank deity!


Top
 Profile  
 
 Post subject:
PostPosted: Wed Aug 09, 2006 6:04 pm 
Offline
Spaminator Extraordinaire
User avatar

Joined: Tue Jun 22, 2004 10:58 pm
Posts: 8205
Favourite food: sushi
Machine type: AW2400
Couldn't FedEx have been used? I thought they were global.

_________________
GSMUSIC: Hey RZ, Im not no upper class american, the gear I own is what I have special to me. My car sucks, my house sucks, my nieghborhood sucks. Does yours RZ? Does it?

rz-land


Top
 Profile  
 
 Post subject:
PostPosted: Wed Aug 09, 2006 6:32 pm 
Offline
Guitar Ho
User avatar

Joined: Tue Jun 22, 2004 10:25 pm
Posts: 7793
Location: A la belle Côte d'Azur sans chaussettes
Machine type: Other - please inform admin
Yeah, but FedEx won't handle that large of a package.

_________________
Honor is a debt you owe to those that see it in you.


Top
 Profile  
 
 Post subject:
PostPosted: Wed Aug 09, 2006 7:06 pm 
Offline
Wants You
User avatar

Joined: Tue Jun 22, 2004 9:52 pm
Posts: 5281
Location: Hamilton Square, NJ
Machine type: AW16G
You don't have these guys?

Image


Top
 Profile  
 
 Post subject:
PostPosted: Wed Aug 09, 2006 7:12 pm 
Offline
Guitar Ho
User avatar

Joined: Tue Jun 22, 2004 10:25 pm
Posts: 7793
Location: A la belle Côte d'Azur sans chaussettes
Machine type: Other - please inform admin
I've seen a truck once or twice. Trouble is the government makes it hard for them to do business while promoting domestic companies. I think, but not sure, they can't take internal business and only can process things that come in on their service from abroad. Really limits their PAM. Trouble in the UK is that FarcelArse has a monopoly.

_________________
Honor is a debt you owe to those that see it in you.


Top
 Profile  
 
 Post subject:
PostPosted: Wed Aug 09, 2006 10:32 pm 
Offline
Thief crusher
User avatar

Joined: Sun Jul 16, 2006 2:50 pm
Posts: 275
Location: Hell, Scotland
Jilly wrote
Quote:
Do you want to give us her number and we'll all take turns to call her?...



That is actually a really good idea. the company I work for was owed several thousand pounds by a main contractor who was avoiding payments (its called subbie-bashing over here, ie the sub contractor (subbie) is 10th in the chain of payments from the client and therefore takes a hit if there is any problems with the whole contract because he can't go straight to the client for recompense). All the mobile phone holders in our company were called into the office and dialled the other companies number one at a time and asked to speak to the MD. The secretaries response was that he was in a meeting. Our response was 'I'll hold'. Eventually we filled up all of their phone lines so their office couldn't function. Lo and behold their MD suddenly was able to talk to our MD and payments were arranged.

I know we can't fill up farclearses phone lines, but we might, with a some concentrated effort and a bit of organisation, be able to fill up the MD who Mr Lys was talking to and really get her goat untill there is some real action (maybe she could un-unfind the lost but not lost guitar and bring it personally to DC's just to make sure she gets all these really annoying muso's off her back!)

I'm talkin' people power, I'm talkin about using our community, I'm talking about shoving it richt up their corporations, I'm talkin about helpin our own when they need help, right here, right now, let's do it people, are you with me!!!

_________________
The art of conversation is not talking, but listening...

http://www.myspace.com/higherpoweruk


Top
 Profile  
 
 Post subject:
PostPosted: Wed Aug 09, 2006 10:47 pm 
Offline
Guitar Ho
User avatar

Joined: Tue Jun 22, 2004 10:25 pm
Posts: 7793
Location: A la belle Côte d'Azur sans chaussettes
Machine type: Other - please inform admin
Robert....I love you man.

In a manly sort of way of course. :lol:

Yeah, Brother, power to the people. Let's get people callin' this Princess from all around the world! She won't know what hit her! :lol: :lol: :lol: This could be a happenin'!

_________________
Honor is a debt you owe to those that see it in you.


Top
 Profile  
 
 Post subject:
PostPosted: Wed Aug 09, 2006 11:12 pm 
Offline
Robbie The Botkiller
User avatar

Joined: Sat Jun 19, 2004 12:46 pm
Posts: 5129
Location: Netherlands
Favourite food: Ria's cheesecake
Machine type: AW16G
Put the details in the private section. We could all call a couple of times.

I think I'll call pretending to be a newspapers reporter that writes an article for a major newspaper concerning parcel delivery screwups. :)


Top
 Profile  
 
 Post subject:
PostPosted: Wed Aug 09, 2006 11:37 pm 
Offline
Thief crusher
User avatar

Joined: Sun Jul 16, 2006 2:50 pm
Posts: 275
Location: Hell, Scotland
Ahh, there's revolution in the air tonight my brothers

Bring forth the seige guns that are our voices! Let the hounds of our anger loose on the wanton wretches of Farcelarse! Weild the rapiers that are our tongues and cleave the mighty malfactors asunder!

We shall rise, and we shall rise together, as one to strike fear into the hearts of all at Farcelarse and smite them down with the power of the revolution!!!

_________________
The art of conversation is not talking, but listening...

http://www.myspace.com/higherpoweruk


Top
 Profile  
 
 Post subject:
PostPosted: Thu Aug 10, 2006 1:22 am 
Offline
Wants You
User avatar

Joined: Tue Jun 22, 2004 9:52 pm
Posts: 5281
Location: Hamilton Square, NJ
Machine type: AW16G
Image


Top
 Profile  
 
 Post subject:
PostPosted: Thu Aug 10, 2006 1:31 am 
Offline
preset ho
User avatar

Joined: Fri Jul 09, 2004 9:41 pm
Posts: 4093
Location: Île-de-France
THE guitar is now definately in France - and tracked :shock:

It's in the hands of a French company called Chronopost Roissy.

This wont stop me proceeding with my complaint to the trading standards office or stop me writing to the ParcelFarce CEO with my fully documented case - with all the names of the incompetents who fucked up over and over and over.

To the extent where they started passing me around like a call they didn't want to take - which of course is the truth of the matter. I don't enjoy having people stammering with anxiety when they are faced with their problems, but it was these self-same stammerers that treated me with such complete contempt from the outset.

Fuck them. I can't think of a better way to describe my anger.

_________________
"You think you are going to die...and then you don't." © Robbie Jukebox - 23rd July 2004.


Top
 Profile  
 
 Post subject:
PostPosted: Thu Aug 10, 2006 6:43 am 
Offline
Guitar Ho
User avatar

Joined: Tue Jun 22, 2004 10:25 pm
Posts: 7793
Location: A la belle Côte d'Azur sans chaussettes
Machine type: Other - please inform admin
I don't want to get my hopes up, but Chronopost is the most reliable carrier in France. We use them all the time for next day service. In their hands, it should be here today, tomorrow at the latest. They took it at 5 yesterday? There's a real possibility that it will be here today.

No, no it won't. I refuse to get excited. All hope is lost. Forget about it. Don't think about it.

_________________
Honor is a debt you owe to those that see it in you.


Top
 Profile  
 
 Post subject:
PostPosted: Thu Aug 10, 2006 9:25 am 
Offline
Bot Buster - Ultraship Trainee
User avatar

Joined: Thu Feb 09, 2006 11:16 am
Posts: 281
Location: On the move...
Machine type: AW16G
DCinFrance wrote:
I don't want to get my hopes up, but Chronopost is the most reliable carrier in France. We use them all the time for next day service. In their hands, it should be here today, tomorrow at the latest. They took it at 5 yesterday? There's a real possibility that it will be here today.

No, no it won't. I refuse to get excited. All hope is lost. Forget about it. Don't think about it.
What a way to end the episode... the tension is almost tangible! This is a soap opera right? If not, can I buy the film rights... the cheque is in the post :wink: :lol:


Top
 Profile  
 
 Post subject:
PostPosted: Thu Aug 10, 2006 9:32 am 
Offline
Robbie The Botkiller
User avatar

Joined: Sat Jun 19, 2004 12:46 pm
Posts: 5129
Location: Netherlands
Favourite food: Ria's cheesecake
Machine type: AW16G
I hope KPN does better with my package :wink:


Top
 Profile  
 
Display posts from previous:  Sort by  
Post new topic Reply to topic  [ 99 posts ]  Go to page Previous  1, 2, 3, 4, 5  Next

All times are UTC + 1 hour [ DST ]


Who is online

Users browsing this forum: No registered users and 1 guest


You cannot post new topics in this forum
You cannot reply to topics in this forum
You cannot edit your posts in this forum
You cannot delete your posts in this forum
You cannot post attachments in this forum

Search for:
Jump to:  
Powered by phpBB® Forum Software © phpBB Group