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 Post subject: GASP!!!
PostPosted: Wed Apr 26, 2006 1:23 pm 
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Harry the Spaceman
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ahhhh... fresh air again...

:)


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 Post subject:
PostPosted: Wed Apr 26, 2006 1:24 pm 
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Robbie The Botkiller
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In januari 2007 we'll have a birth wave.

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 Post subject:
PostPosted: Wed Apr 26, 2006 1:28 pm 
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:lol:

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 Post subject:
PostPosted: Wed Apr 26, 2006 2:07 pm 
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Adult.

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Robbie wrote:
In januari 2007 we'll have a birth wave.


Yeah, only if a petri dish snuck under the covers the last couple nights...Did I say that? :oops:

Eric


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PostPosted: Wed Apr 26, 2006 2:15 pm 
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stettoman wrote:
Yeah, only if a petri dish


Better be careful whatcha wish for, stick pony dude :wink:

Image

:lol:

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 Post subject:
PostPosted: Wed Apr 26, 2006 5:38 pm 
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MicEater wrote:
Mission Statement: We strive to completely integrate performance based benefits and proactively initiate cutting edge resources in order to solve business problems


I think I read something like this in a company-wide email that came round recently to all employees... perhaps you could translate?

Perhaps I should add that in the currently implemented proactive business environment the preference is for the term "challenges" instead of "problems"


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 Post subject:
PostPosted: Thu Apr 27, 2006 8:02 am 
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HowlingWolf wrote:
MicEater wrote:
Mission Statement: We strive to completely integrate performance based benefits and proactively initiate cutting edge resources in order to solve business problems


I think I read something like this in a company-wide email that came round recently to all employees... perhaps you could translate?

Perhaps I should add that in the currently implemented proactive business environment the preference is for the term "challenges" instead of "problems"


Yeah, you're right "challenges" :lol: . No Sir, we never had any problems, just challenges which lead us into filing chapter 11 :lol: .

Actually the mission statement above *shouldn't* make any sense at all - being one of the "Dilbert's Mission Statement Generator" breed :wink: .

I just love the bullcrap language, and strive to integrate it into everday B2B and B2C relationships :twisted: .

Michel

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 Post subject:
PostPosted: Thu Apr 27, 2006 10:04 am 
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"Chapter 11"? That sounds a lot like the company I work for except I can't talk about them at the moment as they're filing for an IPO in the States so I'd be breaking all the rules of the SEC (I think that's right but I'm not sure as I often get these acronyms mixed up! :P )

Here's todays example of corporate overkill:
Quote:
Value Moment

Falls are a leading cause of injury in the workplace. When using stairs, watch your step, hold the handrail and encourage others to do the same.


I'm not joking now, this really was in the email I got this morning! :roll:


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 Post subject:
PostPosted: Thu Apr 27, 2006 10:21 am 
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Gawd... :lol:

kinda like:

Falls are a leading cause of injury in the workplace. When walking, watch your step, place one foot in front of the other, never lift both up at the same time, ensuring a firm grip and encourage others to do the same.

I guess you got the SEC thing right... and the word IPO alone brings back long forgotten memories - I feel for you :wink: .

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 Post subject:
PostPosted: Thu Apr 27, 2006 11:18 am 
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This whole safety thing makes life tricky... how can I run upstairs with my eyes shut, holding a large kitchen knife and a steaming hot cup of coffee (without a lid!) if I have to hold the handrail too? :?


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 Post subject:
PostPosted: Thu Apr 27, 2006 11:26 am 
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And here's my personal favourite "corporate-speak" from a few months back:
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... senior management team and representatives from market sectors began our annual strategic planning process. Our strategic planning process is well established – from defining the framework and capturing market intelligence, to identifying and testing value scenarios, to gathering it all together with financial data and formulating our strategic plan.

I’m not sure exactly what a “value scenarioâ€


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 Post subject:
PostPosted: Thu Apr 27, 2006 11:27 am 
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HowlingWolf wrote:
how can I run upstairs with my eyes shut, holding a large kitchen knife and a steaming hot cup of coffee (without a lid!) if I have to hold the handrail too? :?


Yeah, and all you wanted to do is take the cat out of the microwave timely 'cause you thought 3:30 would be enough to get her dry after the bath :lol: .

... honestly... where is this planet heading :roll: !?

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 Post subject:
PostPosted: Thu Apr 27, 2006 11:30 am 
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HowlingWolf wrote:
from defining the framework and capturing market intelligence, to identifying and testing value scenarios, to gathering it all together with financial data and formulating our strategic plan.

I’m not sure exactly what a “value scenarioâ€

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 Post subject:
PostPosted: Thu Apr 27, 2006 5:33 pm 
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I love it...seeking our customer values; one marketer said to me that our customers' value is "easy to use" (with a straight and very serious face). I said that if indeed that is a differentiating value, could you please identify for me a customer...anyone's...whose value is "hard to use"?

One very unhappy marketer, boohoo. :?

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