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PostPosted: Sat Nov 26, 2011 10:15 pm 
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Cowhand
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Joined: Wed Jan 20, 2010 1:03 am
Posts: 648
Location: Cheshire U.K.
Favourite food: Fishcakes
Machine type: AW1600
Two sausages in a frying pan. One says, "It's getting a bit hot in here isn't it?" The second one says, "Aaargh - a talking sausage!"

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All progress is made by unreasonable men.

http://www.howardgardener.co.uk/


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PostPosted: Sat Jan 07, 2012 1:03 am 
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Spaminator Extraordinaire
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Joined: Tue Jun 22, 2004 10:58 pm
Posts: 8134
Favourite food: sushi
Machine type: AW2400
An old man walks into the barbershop for a shave and a haircut, but he tells the barber he can't get all his whiskers off because his cheeks are wrinkled from age.

The barber gets a little wooden ball from a cup on the shelf and tells him to put it inside his cheek to spread out the skin.

... When he's finished, the old man tells the barber that was the cleanest shave he's had in years, but he wanted to know what would have happened if he had swallowed the little ball.

The barber replied, "Just bring it back tomorrow like everyone else does."

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GSMUSIC: Hey RZ, Im not no upper class american, the gear I own is what I have special to me. My car sucks, my house sucks, my nieghborhood sucks. Does yours RZ? Does it?

rz-land


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PostPosted: Sat Jan 07, 2012 3:10 am 
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Robbie The Botkiller
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Joined: Sat Jun 19, 2004 12:46 pm
Posts: 5056
Location: Netherlands
Favourite food: Ria's cheesecake
Machine type: AW16G
I just lost my appetite... thanks Ron :lol:

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The proof of the cheese is in the eating


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PostPosted: Sat Jan 07, 2012 8:18 pm 
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Greenhorn
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Joined: Wed Oct 12, 2011 7:44 pm
Posts: 185
Location: Scotland
Favourite food: Hot and Fatty
Machine type: AW16G
There was a young man from Hanoi
Who's wife thought his dick was a toy
She'd give it a stroke, He'd give her a poke
And now they're expecting a boy


boom boom

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http://members.soundclick.com/Bobby+M+Music


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PostPosted: Sat Jan 07, 2012 10:05 pm 
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Robbie The Botkiller
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Joined: Sat Jun 19, 2004 12:46 pm
Posts: 5056
Location: Netherlands
Favourite food: Ria's cheesecake
Machine type: AW16G
You're bad :lol: :lol: :lol:

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Don't judge the coffee by its cup.
The proof of the cheese is in the eating


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PostPosted: Sun Apr 15, 2012 10:44 am 
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HamelnStock Survivor and Midi Guru
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Joined: Wed Nov 26, 2008 12:20 am
Posts: 2650
Location: Belgium
Favourite food: the edible kind
Machine type: AW16G
A young peasant girl of fourteen...

A young peasant girl of fourteen went to work in a broom factory. After 2 months she gave the boss a two-week notice. The boss was quite unhappy to let her go since she was hard working, knew her tasks etc. He called her into his office, "But why?" he asked."Nothin, I just wanna quit that's all," she said sullenly."Look, I'll give you a raise.""No," she said"You can't just quit like that. There must be a reason. Tell me.""Okay if you must know..." said the girl, and she took off herunderwear and pointed to her pubic hair, "Look I haven't had this before, it's the broom's bristles, I tell you..."Tickled by her innocence, he too took off his underwear and showed his, and said, "Ha ha...my dear it's nature. Look I have it too...." "Oh no!" the girl cried, "I can't wait two weeks, I quit now! Not only do you have the bristles, but you've grown the handle as well."

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In a minute it might be gone. Life is a bear in a bubble.

http://www.soundclick.com/bearinabubble


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PostPosted: Wed Feb 27, 2013 5:14 pm 
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Spaminator Extraordinaire
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Joined: Tue Jun 22, 2004 10:58 pm
Posts: 8134
Favourite food: sushi
Machine type: AW2400
Once upon a time there lived a beautiful Queen with queenly large breasts.

Nick the Dragon Slayer obsessed over the Queen for this reason.
He knew that the penalty for his desire would be death should he try to touch them, but he had to try. One day Nick revealed his secret desire to his colleague, Horatio the Physician, the King's chief doctor. Horatio thought about this and said that he could arrange for Nick to more than satisfy his desire, but it would cost him 1000 gold coins to arrange it. Without pause, Nick readily agreed to the scheme.

The next day, Horatio made a batch of itching powder and poured a little bit into the Queen's bra while she bathed. Soon after she dressed, the itching commenced and grew intense. Upon being summoned to the Royal Chambers to address this incident, Horatio informed the King and Queen that only a special saliva, if applied for four hours, would cure this type of itch, and that tests had shown that, among all of the citizens of the kingdom, only the saliva of Nick would work as the antidote to cure the itch.

The King, eager to help his Queen, quickly summoned Nick to their chambers. Horatio then slipped Nick the antidote for the itching powder, which he put into his mouth, and for the next four hours, Nick worked passionately on the Queen's large and magnificent breasts.
The Queen's itching was eventually relieved, and Nick left satisfied and was hailed by both the King and Queen as a hero.

Upon returning to his chamber, Nick found Horatio demanding his payment of 1000 gold coins. With his obsession now satisfied, Nick couldn't have cared less knowing that Horatio could never report this matter to the King and with a laugh told him to get lost.

The next day, Horatio slipped a massive dose of the same itching powder into the King's underwear. The King immediately summoned Nick . . .


The moral of the story - Pay your bills.

_________________
GSMUSIC: Hey RZ, Im not no upper class american, the gear I own is what I have special to me. My car sucks, my house sucks, my nieghborhood sucks. Does yours RZ? Does it?

rz-land


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PostPosted: Fri Mar 15, 2013 1:21 am 
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Cowhand
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Joined: Wed Jan 20, 2010 1:03 am
Posts: 648
Location: Cheshire U.K.
Favourite food: Fishcakes
Machine type: AW1600
The past, the present, and the future all walk into a bar at the same time. It was tense.

My internet bride arrived today. She's the WiFi always dreamed of.

I'm reading a good book about helium. Can't put it down.

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All progress is made by unreasonable men.

http://www.howardgardener.co.uk/


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PostPosted: Fri Mar 15, 2013 11:22 am 
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Finds Manual Useful
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Joined: Tue Jul 28, 2009 2:01 pm
Posts: 482
Location: Indonesia
Favourite food: Skunk Milk
Machine type: AW1600
A professor at.sydney university have a lecture to medical students about involuntary organ reactions. In an attempt to.spice up a boring lecture, he pointed to a female student in the first row an asked

"do you know what your arsehole is doing while you are having an orgasm ?"

"probably playing golf with.his.mates" was the response

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Life's a shit sandwich. The more bread your have, the less shit you have to eat.


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PostPosted: Sat Mar 30, 2013 4:26 pm 
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Spaminator Extraordinaire
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Joined: Tue Jun 22, 2004 10:58 pm
Posts: 8134
Favourite food: sushi
Machine type: AW2400
Image

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GSMUSIC: Hey RZ, Im not no upper class american, the gear I own is what I have special to me. My car sucks, my house sucks, my nieghborhood sucks. Does yours RZ? Does it?

rz-land


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PostPosted: Sat Mar 30, 2013 5:05 pm 
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Robbie The Botkiller
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Joined: Sat Jun 19, 2004 12:46 pm
Posts: 5056
Location: Netherlands
Favourite food: Ria's cheesecake
Machine type: AW16G
Reminded me of... "drummer, take 34853948523475234..."

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Don't judge the coffee by its cup.
The proof of the cheese is in the eating


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PostPosted: Thu Feb 13, 2014 12:19 pm 
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Robbie The Botkiller
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Joined: Sat Jun 19, 2004 12:46 pm
Posts: 5056
Location: Netherlands
Favourite food: Ria's cheesecake
Machine type: AW16G
Funny shit.

•TAOISM: Shit happens.
•CONFUCIANISM: Confucius say, "Shit happens".
•ZEN: (What is the sound of shit happening?)
•JESUITISM: If shit happens and when nobody is watching, is it really shit?
•ISLAM: Shit happens if it is the will of Allah.
•COMMUNISM: Equal shit happens to all people.
•CATHOLICISM: Shit happens because you are bad.
•PSYCHOANALYSIS: Shit happens because of your toilet training.
•SCIENTOLOGY: Shit happens if you're on our shit list.
•ZOROASTRIANISM: Bad shit happens, and good shit happens.
•UNITARIANISM: Maybe shit happens. Let's have coffee and donuts.
•RIGHT-WING PROTESTANTISM: Let this shit happen to someone else.
•JUDAISM: Why does shit always happen to US?
•REFORM JUDAISM: Got any Kaopectate?
•MYSTICISM: What weird shit!
•AGNOSTICISM: What is this shit?
•ATHEISM: I don't believe this shit!
•NIHILISM: Who needs this shit?
•AZTEC: Cut out this shit!
•QUAKER: Let's not fight over this shit.
•FORTEANISM: No shit??
•12-STEP: I am powerless to cut the shit.
•VOODOO: Hey, that shit looks just like you!
•NEWAGE: Visualize shit not happening.
•DEISM: Shit just happens.
•EXISTENTIALISM: Shit doesn't happen; shit is.
•SECULAR HUMANISM: Shit evolves.
•CHRISTIAN SCIENCE: Shit is in your mind.
•BUDDHISM: Shit happens, but pay no mind.
•SHINTOISM: Shit is everywhere.
•HINDUISM: This shit has happened before.
•WICCA: Mix this shit together and make it happen!
•HASIDISM: Shit never happens the same way twice.
•THEOSOPHY: You don't know half of the shit that happens.
•DIANETICS: Your mother gave you shit before you were born.
•SEVENTH DAY ADVENTIST: No shit on Saturdays.
•JEHOVAH'S WITNESSES: No shit happens until Armageddon.
•MOONIES: Only happy shit really happens.
•HOPI: Corn fertilizer happens.
•BAHA'I: It's all the same shit.
•STOICISM: This shit is good for me.
•OBJECTIVISM: Our shit is good for you.
•EST: If my shit bothers you, that's your fault.
•REAGANISM: Don't move; the shit will trickle down.
•FASCISM: Shit makes the trains run on time.
•CARGO CULT: A barge will come and take all the shit away.
•EMACS: Hold down Control-Meta-Shit.
•DISCORDIANISM: Some funny shit happened to me today.
•RASTAFARIANISM: Let's smoke this shit.
•CHARISMATIC: This is not shit and it doesn't smell bad.
•MASONIC: Shit happens, but we can't discuss it during Lodge.
•RED CROSS: Shit happens - send money.
•EVANGELICAL: Praise God in spite of this shit cause this shit ain't gonna last much longer.
•JAINISM: Your Shit should not harm anything.

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Don't judge the coffee by its cup.
The proof of the cheese is in the eating


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PostPosted: Thu Feb 13, 2014 4:02 pm 
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Wrangler
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Joined: Tue Apr 04, 2006 2:51 pm
Posts: 877
Favourite food: food
Machine type: AW16G
http://lolsnaps.com/news/87839/0/


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PostPosted: Wed Dec 24, 2014 5:37 pm 
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Spaminator Extraordinaire
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Joined: Tue Jun 22, 2004 10:58 pm
Posts: 8134
Favourite food: sushi
Machine type: AW2400
Image

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GSMUSIC: Hey RZ, Im not no upper class american, the gear I own is what I have special to me. My car sucks, my house sucks, my nieghborhood sucks. Does yours RZ? Does it?

rz-land


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PostPosted: Thu Dec 25, 2014 2:32 am 
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Robbie The Botkiller
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Joined: Sat Jun 19, 2004 12:46 pm
Posts: 5056
Location: Netherlands
Favourite food: Ria's cheesecake
Machine type: AW16G
:)

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Don't judge the coffee by its cup.
The proof of the cheese is in the eating


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