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PostPosted: Tue Jul 20, 2010 9:02 pm 
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Master of Logic
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Posts: 3327
Location: In my own little world
Roses are red,

Violets are blue,

I've got amnesia,

And Violets are blue.

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I will use my robot hand for good.


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PostPosted: Fri Oct 01, 2010 5:12 pm 
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Robbie The Botkiller
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Two pizza's are in the oven.

Says one: Hot isn't it?

Says the other: "wwaahh, a pizza that talks!!"

:?

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PostPosted: Sat Dec 11, 2010 12:45 am 
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HamelnStock Survivor and Midi Guru
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This drunk guy walkes into a bar carying a big ole pile a shit in his hands. He says hey guys, look what i almost stepped into !

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In a minute it might be gone. Life is a bear in a bubble.

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PostPosted: Sun Dec 12, 2010 12:13 am 
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Spaminator Extraordinaire
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Favourite food: sushi
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Two IT guys were chatting in a pub after work. "Guess what, mate," says the first IT guy. "Yesterday, I met this gorgeous blonde girl in a bar."
"What did you do?" says the other IT guy. "Well, I invited her over to my place, we had a couple of drinks, we got into the mood and then she suddenly asked me to take all her clothes off." "You're kidding me!" says the second guy. "I took her miniskirt off, then I lifted her and put her on my desk next to my new laptop." "Really? You got a new laptop?"

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GSMUSIC: Hey RZ, Im not no upper class american, the gear I own is what I have special to me. My car sucks, my house sucks, my nieghborhood sucks. Does yours RZ? Does it?

rz-land


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PostPosted: Sun Dec 12, 2010 12:15 am 
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Favourite food: sushi
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Texting Abbreviations for the Elderly
FWIW: Forgot Where I Was
BTW: Bring The Wheelchair
DWI:: Driving While Incontinent
LOL: Living On Lipitor
OMG: Ouch, My Groin
IMHO: Is My Hearing-aid On
WTF: Wet The Furniture
IMHMO: In My HMO
FYI: For Your Indigestion
MILF: Meal I'd Like To Forget

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GSMUSIC: Hey RZ, Im not no upper class american, the gear I own is what I have special to me. My car sucks, my house sucks, my nieghborhood sucks. Does yours RZ? Does it?

rz-land


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PostPosted: Sun Dec 12, 2010 12:42 am 
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Robbie The Botkiller
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RZ wrote:
DWI:: Driving While Incontinent


:laughing3: :laughing3: :laughing3: :laughing3:

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Don't judge the coffee by its cup.
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PostPosted: Fri Jan 14, 2011 5:48 pm 
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Three friends were asked, 'When you're in your casket, and friends and family members are mourning over you, what would you like them to say?'
Artie said: ' I would like them to say I was a wonderful husband, a fine spiritual leader, and a great family man.'
Eugene commented: 'I would like them to say I was a wonderful teacher and servant of God who made a huge difference in people's lives.'
Al said: 'I'd like them to say, 'Look, he's moving!'
--------------------------------------------------------------
Smith climbs to the top of Mt. Sinai to get close enough to talk to God. Looking up, he asks the Lord... 'God, what does a million years mean to you?'
The Lord replies, 'A minute.'
Smith asks, 'And what does a million dollars mean to you?'
The Lord replies, 'A penny.'
'Smith asks, 'Can I have a penny?'
'The Lord replies, 'In a minute.'
-----------------------------------------------------------

A man goes to a shrink and says, 'Doctor, my wife is unfaithful to me. Every evening, she goes to Larry's bar and picks up men. In fact, she sleeps with anybody who asks her! I'm going crazy. What do you think I should do?'
'Relax,' says the Doctor, 'take a deep breath and calm down. Now, tell me, exactly where is Larry's bar?'
--------------------------------------------------------------
John was on his deathbed and gasped pitifully. 'Give me one last request, dear, 'he said.
'Of course, John,' his wife said softly.
'Six months after I die,' he said, 'I want you to marry Bob.'
'But I thought you hated Bob,' she said.
With his last breath John said, 'I do!'
--------------------------------------
A man goes to see the doctor. 'doctor, something terrible is happening and I have to talk to you about it.'
The doctor asked, 'What's wrong?'
The man replied, 'My wife is poisoning me.'
The doctor, very surprised by this, asks, 'How can that be?'
The man then pleads, 'I'm telling you, I'm certain she's poisoning me, what should I do?'
The doctor then offers, 'Tell you what. Let me talk to her, I'll see what I can find out and I'll let you know.'
A week later the doctor calls the man and says, "I spoke to her on the phone for three hours. You want my advice?'
The man said yes and the doctor replied, 'Take the poison'

_________________
GSMUSIC: Hey RZ, Im not no upper class american, the gear I own is what I have special to me. My car sucks, my house sucks, my nieghborhood sucks. Does yours RZ? Does it?

rz-land


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PostPosted: Fri Jan 14, 2011 6:18 pm 
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Robbie The Botkiller
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Favourite food: Ria's cheesecake
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Max was late in the office - again. Went into the elevator to find out he was standing next to the CEO. Who said: "late?", to which Max responded "oh, me too."

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Don't judge the coffee by its cup.
The proof of the cheese is in the eating


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PostPosted: Sat Jun 04, 2011 5:06 pm 
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Forum Poet
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Location: atl ga
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In light of the dispatching of Osama Bin Laden
ALERTS TO THREATS IN 2011 EUROPE: BY JOHN CLEESE

The French government announced yesterday that it has raised its terror alert level from "Run" to "Hide." The only two higher levels in France are "Collaborate" and "Surrender." The rise was precipitated by a recent fire that destroyed France's white flag factory, effectively paralyzing the country's military capability.

The English are feeling the pinch in relation to recent events in Libya and have therefore raised their security level from "Miffed" to "Peeved." Soon, though, security levels may be raised yet again to "Irritated" or even "A Bit Cross." The English have not been "A Bit Cross" since the blitz in 1940 when tea supplies nearly ran out. Terrorists have been re-categorized from "Tiresome" to "A Bloody Nuisance." The last time the British issued a "Bloody Nuisance" warning level was in 1588, when threatened by the Spanish Armada.

The Scots have raised their threat level from "Pissed Off" to "Let's get the Bastards." They don't have any other levels. This is the reason they have been used on the front line of the British army for the last 300 years.

Italy has increased the alert level from "Shout Loudly and Excitedly" to "Elaborate Military Posturing." Two more levels remain: "Ineffective Combat Operations" and "Change Sides."

The Germans have increased their alert state from "Disdainful Arrogance" to "Dress in Uniform and Sing Marching Songs." They also have two higher levels: "Invade a Neighbor" and "Lose."

Belgians, on the other hand, are all on holiday as usual; the only threat they are worried about is NATO pulling out of Brussels.

The Spanish are all excited to see their new submarines ready to deploy. These beautifully designed subs have glass bottoms so the new Spanish navy can get a really good look at the old Spanish navy.

Australia, meanwhile, has raised its security level from "No worries" to "She'll be alright, Mate." Two more escalation levels remain: "Crikey! I think we'll need to cancel the barbie this weekend!" and "The barbie is canceled." So far no situation has ever warranted use of the final escalation level.

-- John Cleese - British writer, actor and tall person

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"Let there be bass." - Leo Fender


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PostPosted: Sat Jun 04, 2011 7:06 pm 
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Cowhand
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Location: Cheshire U.K.
Favourite food: Fishcakes
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A man walks into the doctors's surgery with a carrot in each nostril and a pea in each ear. The doctor takes one look at him and says: "You're not eating properly, are you?"

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All progress is made by unreasonable men.

http://www.howardgardener.co.uk/


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PostPosted: Sat Jun 04, 2011 9:05 pm 
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Robbie The Botkiller
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Location: Netherlands
Favourite food: Ria's cheesecake
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John Cleese said nothing about the dutch?

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Don't judge the coffee by its cup.
The proof of the cheese is in the eating


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PostPosted: Sat Jun 04, 2011 9:32 pm 
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HamelnStock Survivor and Midi Guru
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John Cleese is genius !

By the way, the Dutch have not raised the alarm level. They have made arrangements to raise the water level by two meters in case of an emergency. With any luck the country will then be mistaken for the sea and passed by the enemies. Unless the new Spanish subs pass by of course.

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In a minute it might be gone. Life is a bear in a bubble.

http://www.soundclick.com/bearinabubble


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PostPosted: Sat Jun 04, 2011 11:23 pm 
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Robbie The Botkiller
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Favourite food: Ria's cheesecake
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:D

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Don't judge the coffee by its cup.
The proof of the cheese is in the eating


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PostPosted: Mon Jun 06, 2011 8:19 am 
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Mr. Blues
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Favourite food: Sauerkraut ;-)
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ROFL, Dirk!
Ok, lets save the Dutch ... ;-)

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Blues aint nothing but the blues!


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PostPosted: Mon Jun 06, 2011 5:23 pm 
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Robbie The Botkiller
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You don't want to. Think of all the cheese you'd save! :)

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Don't judge the coffee by its cup.
The proof of the cheese is in the eating


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PostPosted: Mon Jun 06, 2011 10:31 pm 
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Guitar Ho
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Location: A la belle Côte d'Azur sans chaussettes
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So, this guy walks into a bar, sits down, looks across the bar and says, 'Bartender, what the hell is a gorilla doing in the bar?!'. Bartender says, 'Oh, that's no ordinary gorilla'. 'Oh yeah, what's so special about that gorilla?'. 'Watch'. Bartender walks around the bar...POW!!...smacks the gorilla hard, right between the eyes. The gorilla drops down to his knees and gives the bartender a blow job. 'Holy shit!', says the guy. Bartender says, 'you wanna give it try?' Guy says, 'Well...okay. Just don't hit me so hard'.

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Honor is a debt you owe to those that see it in you.


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PostPosted: Mon Jun 06, 2011 10:38 pm 
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Has Been To Cheeseland
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Location: Just west of DEE-troit
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:shock:

Hello David. How's life? 8)


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PostPosted: Tue Jun 07, 2011 12:10 am 
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Robbie The Botkiller
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Favourite food: Ria's cheesecake
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Hi David, what a pleasant surprise.

How are you doing? How's the family? The studio?

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Don't judge the coffee by its cup.
The proof of the cheese is in the eating


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PostPosted: Tue Jun 07, 2011 12:14 am 
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Spaminator Extraordinaire
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Interestingly enough, when I saw David's post I thought somehow I'd gone back to page one of this joke thread. Ok now I'll go :shock:

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GSMUSIC: Hey RZ, Im not no upper class american, the gear I own is what I have special to me. My car sucks, my house sucks, my nieghborhood sucks. Does yours RZ? Does it?

rz-land


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PostPosted: Thu Jun 09, 2011 9:34 pm 
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Guitar Ho
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Location: A la belle Côte d'Azur sans chaussettes
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Thanks. Nice to see you too, Red.
Doin' fine, Rob. Family is grown. Nate's in multiple bands. Cici has started her own makeup business and has gotten published in some national mags. The studio has taken off and has become nearly a full time job...you wouldn't recognize anything from the DijonStock days. Thanks for asking.
Honestly, life couldn't be better, JM. I trust the same is true for you.

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Honor is a debt you owe to those that see it in you.


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