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PostPosted: Wed Jun 23, 2004 2:30 am 
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Calf Cutter
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Joined: Tue Jun 22, 2004 9:45 pm
Posts: 2968
Felt we needed this.

Woman's Favorite Morning

She's sitting at the table with her gourmet coffee.
Her son is on the cover of the Wheaties box.
Her daughter is on the cover of Business Week.
Her boyfriend is on the cover of Playgirl.
And her husband is on the back of the milk carton.


WOMEN'S REVENGE

"Cash, check or charge?" I asked, after folding items the
woman wished to purchase. As she fumbled for her wallet
I noticed a remote control for a television set in her purse.

"So, do you always carry your TV remote?" I asked.
"No," she replied, "but my husband refused to come shopping with me,
so I figured this was the most legal evil thing I could do to him."


MARRIAGE SEMINAR

While attending a Marriage Seminar dealing with communication,
Tom and his wife Grace listened to the instructor, "It is essential that husbands and wives know the things that are important to each other."
He addressed the man, "Can you describe your wife's favorite flower?"
Tom leaned over, touched his wife's arm gently and whispered, "It's
Pillsbury, isn't it?


CIGARETTES AND TAMPONS

A man walks into a pharmacy and wanders up and down the aisles. The
sales girl notices him and asks him if she can help him. He answers that he is looking for a box of tampons for his wife. She directs him down the
correct aisle. A few minutes later, he deposits a huge bag of cotton balls and a ball of string on the counter. She says, confused, "Sir, I thought you were looking for some tampons for your wife? He answers, " You see, it's like this, yesterday, I sent my wife to the store to get me a carton of cigarettes, and she came back with a tin of tobacco and some rolling papers; cause it's sooooooooooo much cheaper. So,
I figure if I have to roll my own ............ so does she.



WIFE VS. HUSBAND

A couple drove down a country road for several miles,
not saying a word. An earlier discussion had led to an
argument and neither of them wanted to concede their
position. As they passed a barnyard of mules, goats,
and pigs, the husband asked sarcastically,

"Relatives of yours?"
"Yep," the wife replied, "in-laws."


CREATION

A man said to his wife one day, "I don't know how you
can be so stupid and so beautiful all at the same time." The wife responded, "Allow me to explain. God made
me beautiful so you would be attracted to me;
God made me stupid so I would be attracted to you!



WHO DOES WHAT

A man and his wife were having an argument about who
should brew the coffee each morning.
The wife said, "You should do it, because you get up
first, and then we don't have to wait as long to get our coffee."
The husband said, " You are in charge of cooking
around here and you should do it, because that is your
job, and I can just wait for my coffee."
Wife replies, "No, you should do it, and besides, it
is in the Bible that the man should do the coffee."
Husband replies, "I can't believe that, show me."
So she fetched the Bible, and opened the New
Testament and showed him at the top of several pages,
that it indeed says.......... HEBREWS


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PostPosted: Wed Jun 23, 2004 8:09 am 
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Robbie The Botkiller
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Dave, good ones. I'll particularly remember the in-laws.


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PostPosted: Wed Jun 23, 2004 8:12 am 
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Ranch Hand
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Posts: 1174
Mornin' lads,
I liked the creation joke (does that make me a feminist? :lol: )

pete


Last edited by Pete Young on Wed Jun 23, 2004 8:20 am, edited 1 time in total.

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PostPosted: Wed Jun 23, 2004 8:15 am 
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Robbie The Botkiller
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Yes that is a good one too.

It reminds me of the fact that I married my wife, hoping she would not change. But she did. And she married me, hoping I would change, but I did not.


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PostPosted: Wed Jun 23, 2004 1:26 pm 
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Guitar Ho
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I dunno...it's the first one that made me laugh out loud, and damn don't ya know the boss was just walkin' by my door at the moment!

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Honor is a debt you owe to those that see it in you.


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PostPosted: Wed Jun 23, 2004 1:28 pm 
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Robbie The Botkiller
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I'm shutting down the PC now.

THere's an awful thunderstorm here at this moment.

(that is not a joke).

See you later!


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 Post subject:
PostPosted: Wed Jun 23, 2004 1:54 pm 
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Robbie The Botkiller
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That was a nasty one. I think there's more to come.


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PostPosted: Wed Jun 23, 2004 2:27 pm 
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Newbie
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Robbie wrote:
That was a nasty one. I think there's more to come.


Guess we had you storm last night and this morning, around here. Pretty damned strong winds for adventurous driving this morning!!!

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Today's mighty oak is just yesterday's nut that held its ground


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PostPosted: Wed Jun 23, 2004 3:59 pm 
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Spaminator Extraordinaire
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My daily drivel continues . . . .

An elderly couple was driving cross-country, and the woman
was driving.

She gets pulled over by the highway patrol. The officer
said, "Ma'am, did you know you were speeding?"

The woman turns to her husband and asks, "What did he
say?"

The old man yells, "HE SAYS YOU WERE SPEEDING!"

The patrolman says, "May I see your license?"

The woman turns to her husband and asks, "What did he say?"

The old man yells, "HE WANTS TO SEE YOUR LICENSE!"

The woman gives him her license.

The patrolman says, "I see you are from Memphis. I spent
some time there once, had the worst sex with a woman I have ever had."

The woman turns to her husband and asks," What did he
say?"

"HE THINKS HE KNOWS YOU," the old man yells.


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 Post subject:
PostPosted: Wed Jun 23, 2004 4:00 pm 
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Robbie The Botkiller
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Boohaa!! :lol: :lol:


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PostPosted: Wed Jun 23, 2004 4:08 pm 
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Newbie
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Good one, ron :lol: !!!!

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Today's mighty oak is just yesterday's nut that held its ground


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 Post subject:
PostPosted: Wed Jun 23, 2004 4:09 pm 
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Robbie The Botkiller
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Forgive me Mic, but who is that in you avatar, is that you?


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 Post subject:
PostPosted: Wed Jun 23, 2004 4:14 pm 
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Newbie
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Robbie wrote:
Forgive me Mic, but who is that in you avatar, is that you?


No, it's Jimmy Hendrix gone pale :lol: .

Actually it's his body and hair, and my face :wink:

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Today's mighty oak is just yesterday's nut that held its ground


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 Post subject:
PostPosted: Wed Jun 23, 2004 4:15 pm 
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Robbie The Botkiller
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:lol: :lol: :lol: :lol: :lol:


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PostPosted: Wed Jun 23, 2004 4:17 pm 
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Newbie
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Location: Zurich, Switzerland
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Robbie wrote:
:lol: :lol: :lol: :lol: :lol:


The blessings of working at a newspaper :wink: . Decent software and lots of cool people to help you with such stupidities :lol: .

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Today's mighty oak is just yesterday's nut that held its ground


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PostPosted: Wed Jun 23, 2004 4:50 pm 
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Robbie The Botkiller
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Stupidities??

It is FUN!

8)


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PostPosted: Wed Jun 23, 2004 4:58 pm 
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Guitar Ho
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I didn't think you were...left handed. :wink:

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Honor is a debt you owe to those that see it in you.


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PostPosted: Tue Jul 13, 2004 12:17 am 
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Spaminator Extraordinaire
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Joined: Tue Jun 22, 2004 10:58 pm
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A guy goes to the government to interview for a job. The interviewer asks
him, "Are you a veteran?" "Yes, I served two tours in Vietnam.""Good, that
counts in your favor. Do you have any service-related disabilities?" "I am
100% disabled. A mortar round blew off my testicles so they declared me
disabled. It doesn't affect my ability to work, though." "Sorry to hear
about the damage, but I have some good news for you. I can hire you right now!

Our working hours are 8 to 4. Come on in about 10 and we'll get you
started." "If working hours are from 8 to 4, why do you want me to come at 10?" "Well, here at the government,
we don't do anything but sit around and scratch our balls for the first two hours. No point in you coming in for that."


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PostPosted: Tue Jul 13, 2004 12:51 am 
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Guitar Ho
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:lol: :lol: :lol:
So funny

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Honor is a debt you owe to those that see it in you.


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PostPosted: Tue Jul 13, 2004 2:21 am 
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Master of Logic
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<homer>It's funny because it's true</homer>


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