The DijonStock Digital Home Recording Support Forum

Since lyrics are being discussed lately i'd like to know anyones opinion on some of my own / I'm trying to write some original songs


A song should never be too complex
and neither should your life be
Some peoples lives are simple as the dawn

But i am looking at my third ex
the kids and her have left me
Now explain to me, what else could go wrong

I'm trying to keep up but i'm falling behind
Don't wait up i'll never make it through the next stage
I'm running through my problems like the chapters in a book
and i'd really like to know what's on the next page

Now close the book and please
don't judge me by the cover
For some reason or another you remind me of a lover

i used to know. i used to know. i used to know.

Don't wait for me, out there
things are darker than they should be
i do not whish to have another try

I'm getting so sick and tired
and i do not understand
or comprehend any of the reasons why

I'm trying to keep up but i'm falling behind
Don't wait up i'll never make it through the next stage
I'm running through my problems like the chapters in a book
and i'd really like to know what's on the next page

Now close the book and please
don't judge me by the cover
For some reason or another you remind me of a lover

i used to know. i used to know. i used to know.

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In a minute it might be gone. Life is a bear in a bubble.

http://www.soundclick.com/bearinabubble

Obviously, there are a multitude of great song lyrics that stand on their own and are quite poetic sans music, but for me, lyrics go hand and hand with the tune itself, so it can be hard to judge what works with flow, rhyme, meter, syllables etc. etc.


When you get a chance, post the complete song (if there is one at this point)

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it's funny, the older you get, the older you wanna be

Hi Fordirk, I really like the lyrics, and will look forward to the finished track.
Good luck.
T.

p.s.
I have`nt forgot about your track, it`s done I will get it uploaded tomorrow.
http://www.tmacmusic.com

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https://tmacmusic12.wixsite.com/tmac1

https://tmacmusic12.wixsite.com/tmac

http://www.soundcloud.com/t-mac-12

http://www.youtube.com/channel/UCmCjAzN ... ture=watch

https://www.reverbnation.com/tmac

Dirk

While a song does not need to make sense, it cannot not make sense. Although it is not entirely clear who the song is addresed to, I assume that it is to the person that has left the singer. Therefore, a person that has left would not wait up for you, would they ?

I think the song should describe a bit of what went wrong & whose fault it was. That would help the listener empathize with you, or not, as the case may be. A good story draws the listener in & encourages you to take sides, a good example of that is Take it Easy by the Eagles- a lot of men would be sympathetic to the singer & a lot of women would consider him to be a womanizing low-life.

What you have hear is an idea for a song that needs to be developed into a story that does not not make sense.

I hope that you see this as encouragement & I look forward to seeing it evolve. Your guitar playing & singing have come on & now it is time to branch out into doing more of your own stuff.

Having said all that, don't worry about pleasing anyone other than yourself. After all, that little voice in your head that tells you that what you are doing is crap will stay there for the rest of your life. As it does with all of us

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Life's a shit sandwich. The more bread your have, the less shit you have to eat.

?? Does not not make sense or makes sense and how is that different ?

Did you asume the third ex is the one waiting for the singer? In my mind these are different people, you don't know who the singer is talking too. Anyway i have heard a lot of lyrics that don't make sense at all, at least not to me and no one cares to explain. So i'm not really worried.

If you have a suggestion how it can make more sense i would appreciate more explanaition and maybe why it does not make sense to you. The way you explained got me a bit confused about what coul be wrong. If you want to do a rewrite feel free.

Thanks for your reaction.

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In a minute it might be gone. Life is a bear in a bubble.

http://www.soundclick.com/bearinabubble

I think, for any lyrics, if one can find an interpretation, it makes sense. Sometimes it's possible to find more interpretations (like I find in these lyrics). If someone can't find an interpretation, the lyrics won't make sense but the same goes for words that are not understood.

I made a dozen or more attempts to write decent lyrics and only one time I had the feeling I succeeded. All the other times I didn't even come close to what was written in the first post. Why is that... there was nothing open to interpretation.

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Don't judge the coffee by its cup.
The proof of the cheese is in the eating

Not yet but will come i hope ...

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In a minute it might be gone. Life is a bear in a bubble.

http://www.soundclick.com/bearinabubble

what do you mean by that or is it open to interpretation?

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In a minute it might be gone. Life is a bear in a bubble.

http://www.soundclick.com/bearinabubble

I meant the lyrics, Dirk...

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Don't judge the coffee by its cup.
The proof of the cheese is in the eating

i could have assumed but you must know me by now ...

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In a minute it might be gone. Life is a bear in a bubble.

http://www.soundclick.com/bearinabubble

I should...

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Don't judge the coffee by its cup.
The proof of the cheese is in the eating

Dirk,

What I was trying to get at is that, in my opinion, a song does not necessarily have to contain a coherent narrative, but an incoherent narrative is less likely to engage a listener. For example, one line says "I'm running through my problems like the chapters in a book
and i'd really like to know what's on the next page" while the next line says "Now close the book..."

It was just a thought.

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Life's a shit sandwich. The more bread your have, the less shit you have to eat.

Ah, yes. I can see why that may be odd to some. When i put it to music i'll probably need to make changes anyway so i'll keep that in mind. Thanks Oscar !

_________________
In a minute it might be gone. Life is a bear in a bubble.

http://www.soundclick.com/bearinabubble